I am currently slouched in bed and sleep deprived from the several bathroom trips and the uncomfortable tossing and turning throughout the night, with 8 days until I’m ‘due’, but Alhamdulillah I have a smile on my face!
It’s funny how everyone has some sort of expectation, at what age you should be married by, have your first child by, have your second child by…. the list is endless. I look back and laugh at my own naive expectation that I would have my first child at 24! Now, many years later, after being married for several years, Ive realised that when we always say Allah is the best of all planners, it really is true. Down to my many personal struggles, I made a large sacrifice of delaying having children and I asked Allah (swt) to grant me children but not until my situation was resolved. During these years, I can’t count the number of days that I sat down worrying and crying about growing ‘old’ and possibly not being able to have children. I had many inconsiderate jokes and comments from others about not having any children yet despite having been married for ‘so long’. I chose to put my trust in Allah and carried on, day by day and Alhamdulillah Allah (swt) answered my prayers, resolved my situation and granted me a pregnancy.
‘Surely, Allah loves those who place their trust in Him’Surah Al-Imran (3:160)
Pregnancy, as a first timer, I cannot be more grateful, I constantly feel Allah’s blessings on me and I’m in awe at his continuous mercy. Not only did he answer my dua of getting pregnant, but it was at the right time for me and now I am having a smooth pregnancy. I’ve been around a lot of pregnant women and have heard some really tough experiences and when mothers have asked me how my pregnancy has been, I’ve almost felt reluctant and guilty to say that I haven’t had any big challenges. When experiencing the common issues related to pregnancy such as body pain, itching and lack of sleep, I haven’t seen them as challenges, as becoming a mother has been something I have been wanting for a long time and so I have embraced every ‘bad’ moment of pregnancy.
Before becoming pregnant, I had the ‘you haven’t experienced pregnancy’ and ‘you’re not a mum’ card flashed at me a countless number of times because I believe that you will never actually understand something fully until you have gone through it yourself. Being the youngest in my family with other siblings, every day that I have been pregnant and struggled to bend or just walk up and down the stairs, I’ve always thought about my own mother. I thought about the time when she was carrying me, not only did she have a husband and a house to manage but other children too Subhan Allah.
‘My Lord, have mercy upon them (my parents) as they brought me up when I was small.’Surah Al-Israa (17:24)
With the thought that I could be going into hospital at any moment and with my bags full of maternity things and small baby items, I am so excited to go through everything that I have only ever heard stories about. Of course, I’m scared about the pain of labour, not being able to breastfeed and petrified about taking a little human home, being one of two people who will be accountable for every decision made until he/she reaches his/her own age of accountability. I know all these fears are normal and expected for every mother and with a supportive and loving husband, family and friends and my strong faith in Allah (swt), I am ready to face the challenges of motherhood and try my utmost best to fulfil this amanah (trust) that Allah (swt) has placed upon me In Sha Allah.
Knowing that Allah (swt) has heard and answered my precious duas, gives me the continual strength to deal with any worries now or in the future. Everyone has their own personal battle, whatever it may be, but turn to Allah (swt) as he is the only one who can help you and as much as it might hurt, remember
‘They plan, and Allah plans, Allah is the best of planners’Al-Anfaal (8:30)
May Allah grant us all the chance to become mothers and help us fulfil this important role. Ameen.
Written by Sister Y